You Might Be In Prison If ... - FAMM

You Might Be In Prison If …

You might be in prison if:

  • You spell Christian as “Christaian” OR Cell as “Cel” and actually argue its right, only solving that argument with a dictionary
  • You do your own laundry in a mop bucket because the prison laundry service doesn’t use soap
  • You use the same slop sink that people take a leak in to brush your teeth (yet don’t use the sink right next to your bed)
  • You have a problem with people sitting on your bed, or reverse, your bed is a futon.
  • Bed? No its also your dining room chair, your desk chair, cooking table (since the desk is so small), and for some, toilet too (nasty!)
  • You talk really loud because you can’t get the headphones off your ears. Or, you just do it because you can.
  • You know the stand up count is at 4pm EVERY DAY, but you choose still to take your shower at 3:58. Hey, maybe it will be late this time?
  • You ‘herd’ in packs on the sidewalk blocking the entire thing for people who actually want to use it to “walk” on. Hey, I’m in no hurry I guess!
  • What’s in the water? You take an hour long shower! I mean yes, I have things I like to take care of too since I only have that privacy in the shower, but still maybe you need to see someone about that!
  • You scan the TV for thirty minutes for something to watch, but then you still end up watching the same thing you had it on to begin with.
  • You pay for things like extra chairs, television time, etc.
  • You wont shower in any other shower then ‘your own’. There are 7 other showers open, but you will wait an hour or more to get that one. Water is water I thought???
  • You can be anything you want here. Did I mention that I was an astronaut before I came here?
  • You ask if its snowing out when three people just walked in the door covered in it.
  • You check the door to see if its locked when people are standing around it waiting to get out. No, we wait by the door because we like to look at it!
  • You watch Sports Center for hours on end, but it just repeated itself! Same with CNN.
  • You do Yoga in the middle of the walking track. Really? Isn’t the field next to it good enough for you?
  • You go by a nickname so nobody will be able to look you up. Hiding your crime anyone?

— Michael W.

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