I was very angry when I came to Federal Prison after being found guilty in my case. I tried everything to get my conviction overturned. Although I worked all day while in the Camp, my nights were depressing and lonely. My most important people in my life were my mother who has since passed to go home to God. My son, who later in my case was indicted by the U.S. Attorney for his small part in the situation and received more than 10 months and his life was turned upside down.
So now all I could do was be angry with both my son and I in federal Prison. He is out now and has been since 2016. I spent all my free time reading my paperwork on my case. I wrote notes and more notes to help me write my Motions. After the grilling I received from the criminal court system I trusted nobody and nothing. I did however continue to pray every day and night as well as read the Bible, as much as I could.
Here comes the amazing Ah Ha moment of the story.
I received the voice of God, one night in my upper bunk in my small open cubicle. But, I did not want to listen. Every night over and over God told me to write. He gave me
the words and verses as if I was reading the Psalms. But, until that night I had not spent much time reading the Psalms.
A woman I met while I was incarcerated who was a “christ-like person” told me that God was speaking to me like he did in the Bible to many others. She told me to listen to the voice of God and obey him. I refused, He wanted me to write. He wanted me to surrender to him, finally and stop beating myself up and obsessing over my case. He kept at me like the song “Henry the Eighth.” He just kept repeating it over and over again: “These are the words I want you to write and I will give you more.”
It wasn’t until 5 days of no sleep and being a zombie like person throughout my day at work. People at work started asking me what was wrong with me? I said, I am not sleeping well.
It was the 5th night I was up nearly the whole night until almost dawn breaking through the window near my bed. There was a light outside in the yard that was one of those security lights which lit up the whole inside near my bunk. The Sun was beginning to rise out of my small window. I didn’t even put on my glasses or the light, and I am blind without them. I took a legal pad out of my locker and grabbed a pen off the small metal desk mounted to the floor in the cell. I crouched on my little government plastic chair and began to write what God had told me. I could not even see the words I was writing. They were not my words. But I wrote them down as they came to my head. After finishing what the words were in my head I laid down and fell into a deep unconscious sleep for a solid 6 hours until my bunkie woke me up to go to work at the kitchen. She said I needed to get ready I would be late.
She picked up the pad of the locker and read what I had written. She said, “Did you write this?” I said, “Well, my hand wrote it, but it was not my words.” I told her God gave me the words and ordered me to write them or I would not a minutes sleep or a restful night sleep. She told me, This is really good. I told her I have never written poetry before in my life! After that day I was writing 2 and 3 poems or more a day.
It’s been more than 5 years since I started writing My Poetry from Prison. My mother before she died told me she would find me a publisher. That was more than 3 years ago and a lifetime it seems.
I have written more than 300 poems. I decided to write 3 volumes: one is called Faith, the second is called Love and the 3rd is called Hope. I know God is working through me as his instrument to get my story and the story of what it is like to be incarcerated.
God has changed my attitude and my thinking and how I talk to other people.
When I speak to others, I say if you want change in your life go to God and Pray and do for others. Some day I hope to publish my 3 books, and others I have written.
As God wanted me to so my beautiful poems can be experienced by everyone who needs to hear the voice of God in my words. To make a change in their lives, too.
— Kathryn G.