The memory that I cling to is the distinct scent of my mother
the aroma of her bedroom, the way her scarf drawer smells of lavender and something exotic
something that lingers with you all the way down the hallway.
I remember the day that I pulled out the little wooden extension
that hides just above her nightstand drawer
a little hidden table where she keeps important things taped
emergency numbers
positive quotes
her favorite scripture
and what I remember the most
the moment that I slid it open
and found a list of all the ways
to send money to
different jails and institutions
to me.
It was old and tattered and dated back so many years
I could almost see the tear stains that blotted the ink
I had been sober for many years when I found that list,
it’s as if God knew I was ready to see it
knew I needed to see it
knew I needed that motivation
that day
to stay clean
a little longer.
That is how it is as an addict
a daily struggle to find things to keep you
sober
to remind you of where you have been.
— Celeste B.