I Don’t Remember: My Mother’s Face | FAMM

I Don’t Remember: My Mother’s Face

I don’t remember my mothers face. I come from a good family. My Uncle was the Mayor of Austin at one time. When I was young I developed a bad drug habit but I was a good kid. I had an addiction and was too shy to interact with other kids. The Federal government Sent me to prison. Labeled me a danger to society. I have spent what are supposed to be the best years of my life in prison. All I have is my father and I’m thankful for that. I have been abandoned by the rest of my family. Prison has dulled my senses. I have developed an emotional disconnect and strong hatred deep down within my soul. It is poison and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recover and find myself once I get back. I’ve been fighting the same Demons I’ve been fighting all my life. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity and I’m not sure which I am. I feel myself I listen to country songs with stories of despair and loss because I can relate and for some reason comforts me. I’m surrounded by misery and hatred. I feel as if I’m in a dark void at times. I have to fight for every right I’m afforded. The hatred I feel from the Institution has made me bitter against the government. This is the wrong solution to a huge problem. This is turning me into someone I don’t recognize. I’ve been running so long now from myself and trying to find the person I’m supposed to be. I feel I’ve developed a personality defect from the way I’ve been treated by the Federal System. I feel as if I’m looked at as sub-human in their eyes. I feel extreme social anxiety and stress when I’m in crowds. I have seen the worst in people. I do not trust people and I try to find their ulterior motives. I just hope whenever I do get out that I can re-adjust back into society. I also hope that the United States may also understand how much more of a problem prison creates. It turns good people into professional criminals while also rooting hate and racism deep within their souls. Rips families apart forever. The federal system has ruined my life and 200,000 others. The story of the inmate and the systems description of us is very different but the free world will never know what it does not see.

— Kyle S.

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